Revel: Anatomy of a Failure

The year is 2006. Atlantic City enjoyed its biggest casino profit since it legalized gambling in the late 70s, with over $5 billion generated. Its newest casino, the Borgata, had now been open for a few years and secured its place as top-grossing resort in the town. Its Vegas-inspired amenities complemented the more ‘traditional’ hotel-casinos of the boardwalk, and showed that Atlantic City could support such levels of modern luxury. The boardwalk properties thrived as well, though north of Showboat sat a suspicious plot of land, with untapped potential.

Enter Revel.

It was destination to surpass any other in the city, to rival the unstoppable Borgata and breathe new life to an iconic, though admittedly aging, strip of beachfront casinos. Revel was going to have it all, and do things completely differently than its mates. Going after a younger, more affluent crowd, Revel wanted to bring in the posh NYC clientele that had skipped over AC in favor of Vegas. Over a dozen unique dining options, upscale shopping, hotel rooms as modern as can be, steamy spas, nightlife… all overlooking the Atlantic Ocean. Oh yeah, and they’d have a casino too. Can’t forget that. This is Atlantic City, after all.

And so the ground was broken for one of the most ambitious projects New Jersey had ever seen. Right from the start, the resort was cursed with omens, notably a plane crash that killed all of the future hotel’s top executives. Then came the downsizing of the hotel’s twin towers, giving it just one. And then of course came the market crash of September 2008. To say that put a dent in construction is an understatement. To say that it marked the decline of Atlantic City in general, continuing downward to this day, is also a major understatement.

Can you spot the giant blue elephant on the boardwalk?

Yet somehow construction continued, after several stops and starts, and with a major monetary gift from the governor. For the sake of the state’s economy, and AC’s morale, Revel had to be completed. It had to do everything it could to be top-of-the-line and attract the rich crowd. It had to turn a profit, even if the resort’s costs ballooned to over $2 billion. (Remember that AC’s casinos at their peak *only* did $5 billion in a year.) It was completely unrealistic for this single property to recoup that kind of debt in it's first few years, Revel would have to be that incredibly popular and successful from day one that it be able to generate more than a third of the city’s best numbers all by itself. Even Borgata couldn’t do that! 

But it had to work. It needed to be given a chance. Finally, after years of drama and speculation, Revel opened in the spring of 2012. Determined to shake off the embarrassing stereotypes and appeal to a new crowd, Revel broke a lot of house rules. No buffet. No easy access. No charter bus accommodations. No smoking. Worst of all, no comps! Yes, believe it or not Revel opened without any kind of player loyalty program. Why though? How could they be so stupid, you ask? Because they felt that if you wanted to come to AC just to gamble, you’d go to a casino you’ve already been to. Why fix what isn’t broken. But… if you want to come to AC to dine, relax, swim, exfoliate and party, Revel was the only place you would want to be. Especially if it’s your first time to the town. And especially if you're young and you’ve got some expendable income.

Remember that casino, that afterthought? Yes, it’s still there. It’s also massive. However it’s not Revel’s main attraction, unlike its rival properties. It’s a casino that exists just because. "And if you’d like to play," Revel said, "that's great! There’s tons to choose from and everything is as new and HD as can be. But there’s the shopping, the nightlife, the restaurants, and the spas too! You know, all those things that are trending positive in your sought-after demographic. Wouldn’t you rather take advantage of our other amazing amenities? We think you would. So when you’re done lighting your money on fire and acting like old people, come stop by our new tapas restaurant! You people like tapas now, right?" #yum #memories #livelaughlove

Ugh.

It’s kind of insulting, isn’t it? Needless to say, Revel did not open like gangbusters, and lived its first few months as a true dark horse. A sprawling, pristine, beautiful property, with uncomfortably high ceilings and large expanses of nothingness, populated by little pockets of people. Even if the place was crowded, it never seemed to be because of all the open space. And although that sounds nice, a perceived lack of action is a death sentence for a casino. The gaming floor was situated about 6 stories off the ground, and even offered vast ocean views in some areas, in turn making it difficult for someone off the boardwalk (the extreme north end of it, mind you) to go in and drop a few bucks. 

State of the art, ahead of its time, you name it.

Come 2013, and Revel is still coasting purely on good graces. Hotel occupancy is decent, restaurant and spa business is ok, and the casino took in as many millions as possible. And the people that did come to the behemoth resort really liked the place! Reviews were consistently strong, but also consistently noticed the vast quietness. For Revel to truly do well, it would have to be overflowing with hotel guests, gamblers and clubgoers. And although Revel wasn't doing horribly, it never had that level of customer exorbitance. And so the loans were barely repaid, and the resort overall lost millions each and every week.

But who could blame the customer? The same problem that plagued Revel also plagued Atlantic City as a whole. This just wasn't a good time. There was the recession, there was Sandy, there were also 11 other casinos vying for business in AC alone... The truth was that the millennial customer just didn't have that kind of money to spend, or a point to make the long drive. Bars and clubs are everywhere, and other shore points like Seaside and Belmar had a firmer grasp on the demographic due to their unpretentiousness. And gambling? Please. "I could just go online for that, and I don't even want to," they said. "Unless your name is Borgata, there's no real reason to drive an extra hour or two out of my way when I can do all my millennial things closer to home. My paycheck from my over-qualified post-grad BS job barely covers the gas money!"

After a year of negative profits, Revel tried to reinvent themselves, in turn stripping themselves of all individuality from their competitors. A comp loyalty program was enacted, and went through more revisions than assumed possible. They also tried to market their casino more aggressively, officially renaming themselves 'Revel Casino-Hotel' and adopting the slogan 'Gamblers Wanted.' They toned down their upscale-ness with a variety of discount food options, free parking, smoking sections, and cheaper room rates. Revel also catered toward the dominant senior citizen demographic by offering Bingo and special gambling bonuses to those 50 and up. At this point, Revel was no different than the other boardwalk casinos, save for their continued lack of a buffet and charter buses.

Yeah, the hell you can't. And is that the age demographic we're going after now? =\

Probably the crown jewel of this whole movement was the spectacular failure known as 'You Can't Lose.' It was advertised as a month where all gamblers could be reimbursed 100% for their losses (which right there is absurdly too good to be true). In reality it only entitled players to slot dollars that were slowly siphoned to their account over a series of weeks. If a week was missed, the remainder of the slot play was forfeited. This caliber of deception destroyed Revel's credibility as a casino and earned them several lawsuits from duped, irate customers. The other casinos could only watch in horror and awe at their neighbor's continued boneheaded moves, and never saw Revel as a threat to their business again.

2014. Revel is really in trouble now. Business is still tepid and millions of dollars are being lost. However the resort continued to pretend like nothing is wrong. They still brought in live talent for shows, top tier DJs for the nightclubs, and even hosted a few fighting matches. But the honeymoon was really over now, and Revel kept this huge cloud over itself, this impending doom that said 'Seriously now, how much longer can this place really last?' It was two years in and the Shops At The Row still had the same 10 or so mini-stores in it, the huge vacancies flanking them still covered by placeholder murals. Customers were continuously upgraded to corner suites simply because they were never being sold. As lovely and modern as Revel was, something just felt more and more off about it. But why? This is the Atlantic City of the future! It's the new Vegas of the east! But it... just isn't.

The resort's mall, in its entirety. Note the lack of actual stores. Or life.

A second bankruptcy filing spelled out Revel's bleak future: find a buyer by the summer, or the  place is closed for good. That was it. No more games, no more hope. The resort simply lost too much money to even give it a chance of turning things around in the coming years. Revel (along with the rest of Atlantic City) held its breath until the midpoint of summer. The Atlantic Club had already closed that January, and Showboat was slated to close by Labor Day, with Trump Plaza soon following. All eyes were on Revel to see if it would join the others and reduce the casino count to a mere eight.

It did.

Revel's final month of operation was nothing but sadness. The property stood as grand as ever, taken care of right until the end. Both the employees and final customers all appeared in a daze, ogling the building from the boardwalk or simply staring at the casino, in disbelief that something so cutting-edge and world-class would cease to exist in a matter of days. There were rows of still-new slot machines in their attract modes, tables of lonely dealers with their decks spread, roulette wheels only spinning by their inertia... And the occasional gambler playing out of sympathy. These were dark days, indeed. 

Revel existed for barely two and a half years. It was Atlantic City's newest, tallest, and most expensive building. It was a sign of a new era, a benchmark for all casinos to follow, a beacon of hope, and a major gamble. But the customers just didn't come in the droves they needed to, corporate made one too many missteps, and Atlantic City's overall sketchiness didn't help.

And now Revel is dead.

Concept art, 2007. What once could have been, and never will be.

Forgotten Gaming- Sonic Pocket Adventure

Platform- NeoGeo Pocket Color
Developer- Sonic Team/SNK
Publisher- Sega/SNK
Released- November 1999

Many believe that Nintendo’s GameBoy Color ran unopposed in the handheld gaming market from 1998-2001. However that is not the case. SNK, the company that brought the world the acclaimed NeoGeo arcade machine and home console, also tried their luck with handhelds. The NeoGeo Pocket (quickly followed by the Pocket Color) was designed to one-up the GameBoy (Color) in every way, and from a technical standpoint largely succeeded. Featuring a digital control stick (a first on a handheld), impressive sprite capabilities and incredible battery life, the NeoGeo Pocket Color *could* have dethroned the almighty GameBoy. Unfortunately SNK’s daft internal management, combined with a niche game library, destroyed any market potential the Neo could have had. By 2001 the powerhouse GameBoy Advance was on the shelves and SNK was shamed into bankruptcy. So long, Neo.

Although the Pocket Color’s game library was as niche and obscure as the arcade NeoGeo’s, that’s not to say the games weren’t worth playing. The Neo has one of the most solid, quality game libraries you will find, with every game taking full advantage of the handheld’s capabilities. Several games were adaptations of original NeoGeo arcade games, such as Metal Slug and Neo Turf Masters, while others are original offerings such as SNK vs Capcom: Cardfighter’s Clash and Match of the Millennium. The Neo was also oddly prolific for casino games, from slots to poker to baccarat. There’s a lot to like on the Pocket Color, especially one game that unfairly got swept under the rug: Sonic Pocket Adventure.

I love Sonic's sprite in this game, he looks so cute!

Sonic Pocket Adventure released in the same month as Sega’s Dreamcast and its flagship launch title, Sonic Adventure. Despite the similar title, the two games share nothing in common. Right off the bat, it’s a little confusing. Here’s a major Sonic game on a non-Sega console (a first), with a name that echoes Sonic Adventure, looks like Sonic 2 and uses music from Sonic 3 & Knuckles. So what is it? It can’t possibly be a port. And what is this… NeoGeo Pocket what? Ah screw it, I’ll just get Pokemon Yellow for my GameBoy. Neither the game nor the handheld could catch a break. It’s a shame too, because Sonic Pocket Adventure happens to be one of the best 2D Sonic games ever released.

Sonic Pocket Adventure is essentially a ‘best of’ that combines the graphics, audio and gameplay of the Genesis Sonic series into one unique game. It is comprised of six zones of two acts each, along with a final and extra zone. Starting in Neo South Island (a dead ringer for Emerald Hill), the game progresses to Secret Plant (aka Chemical Plant), Cosmic Casino (Casino Night), and Aquatic Relix (Aquatic Ruin) which ends in a cameo of Hidden Palace. After a brief cutscene, the game continues to a remake of Sky Chase and Wing Fortress (awesomely renamed as Aerobase). Lastly you fight Robotnik on his ship, the Gigantic Angel (Metropolis/Scrap Brain) with a final fight in Last Utopia (Death Egg (S&K)). After collecting all the Chaos Emeralds, a bonus zone known as Chaotic Space (Doomsday) allows you to fight the true final boss as Super Sonic. 

Graphics are about two notches above GameGear but one notch below Genesis.

It is important to note that although levels look extremely reminiscent of stages from past games, their layouts and bosses are completely different. This truly is a brand-new Sonic adventure that merely *looks* like past games. By mimicking fan-favorite zones such as Chemical Plant and Casino Night, it almost acts as fanservice, giving players new acts in their favorite tropes. As for audio, all of the music in Sonic Pocket Adventure is adapted from Sonic 3 & Knuckles (with the exceptions of Neo South Island Act1, which is from Sonic Jam, and the Special Stage theme, which is unique). Though the song choices seem almost random (Angel Island music in Secret Plant, Desert Palace’s theme in Gigantic Angel), the songs are remixed beautifully for the NeoGeo Pocket Color’s sound chip. Neo games all have a distinct soundfont, and these classic Genesis tracks sound great through it. Some tracks even take on a completely different vibe, keeping things familiar but refreshing.

Probably what makes Sonic Pocket Adventure so enjoyable is how uncompromised it feels. Yes, the graphics took a major hit in their transition from Genesis to Neo, but everything else is still there. Transport tubes in Secret Plant, slot machines in Cosmic Casino, even the breakaway wall setpiece in Aerobase are all in here, all with the series’ trademark sense of speed. Unlike previous handheld Sonic games on GameGear, Sonic Pocket Adventure really gives you a Genesis experience. Even the Special Stages, which are remakes of Sonic 2’s iconic 3D chute, look and play just as well as the originals, if not better. It also helps that the Neo’s razor-sharp screen keeps the game images crisp, with none of the ghosting or smearing that was notorious on 90s handhelds. 

Liked Chemical Plant in Sonic 2? Well here's some more!

Another place Sonic Pocket Adventure shines is in replay value. With only 12 main acts and two final boss acts, the game itself is rather short. The stages don’t take more than a few minutes to get through, and the difficulty curve is relatively tame. You could blaze through this game within an hour easily. However you will keep coming back for the ‘Rooms.’ At the title screen you can start the game, continue where you left off, or cryptically ‘Go to Room.’ These rooms (read: menus) are extras that extend the life of the game considerably. In the Trial Room you can time-attack stages you’ve beaten. For probably the very first time in Sonic history, you will be ranked on your time taken. However instead of the letter ranks like recent games, you are graded from bronze to platinum. Getting platinum on every stage is no easy task and requires expert memorization of the stages. If a basic time attack wasn’t enough, there’s also the ‘Advanced’ time attack, which only counts a run if you finish with more than 50 rings. Based on the stage layout, this can change your strategies considerably.

The Duel Room hosts the game’s 2-player modes, where you can link two Neos not unlike GameBoys and race head-to-head in either races or ring challenges. Fun, but also obligatory. Lastly is the Puzzle Room, which really sets Sonic Pocket Adventure aside from all the other Sonic games out there. Scattered throughout the game are scores of puzzle pieces (seen in-game as yellow diamonds). Through your playthroughs of the main game, all of the pieces you find go here to be assembled. Completed puzzles show unique stock images of the Sonic crew, fresh with their Sonic Adventure-era redesigns. The puzzle mechanic requires you to explore every inch of every level, in turn having you appreciate how nice the level designs actually are. While speed is always the name of the game, slowing down to hunt the puzzle pieces gives the game a whole second life.

Those scorned by Sonic 4 will be pleased to know the physics here are fully intact.

If the NeoGeo Pocket Color even remotely interests you, you owe it to yourself to also get a copy of this game. It’s a showcase of what the Neo was capable of, and is a fine example of how good extras can give a quick game such replayability. Sonic fans, especially of the classic series, will *love* this game, while those who just appreciate a solid 2D platformer will enjoy  it as well. Of course you can always emulate, which I don’t not condone =P; with the quality of Neo emulators out there today for computers, tablets and phones your experience won’t be compromised. Perhaps this game will do for you what it did for me, and introduce you to the fine library of Neo titles also released. Who said the GameBoy has to have all the fun?

Forgotten Gaming- Sega Rally

Name- Sega Rally Championship
Platform- Sega Saturn (from Arcade)
Developer- Sega
Released- December 1995

Three tracks. Two cars.

And yet with only those will you find a game that almost qualifies as a religious experience.

The original Sega Rally Championship hit the arcades in 1995. Building on the foundations of Sega’s past 3D racers, Virtua Racing and Daytona USA, Sega Rally delivered an authentic racing experience to many a gamer, with its textured polygonal graphics, pumping soundtrack and fluid clip. When the news broke out that a Sega Saturn port was in the works, many were skeptical. The Saturn was not known for its 3D prowess, as lackluster ports of Daytona USA and Virtua Fighter proved. Would a port of Sega Rally even be worth it?

For the Saturn, this looks incredible. Oh and that blue banner reads 'Checkpoint.' You can make it out, right?

Turns out the Saturn port of Sega Rally became one of the closest arcade-to-console conversions the Saturn would receive. Sega Rally became a showpiece for the console, showing off how competent its 3D capabilities were and promised that future arcade conversions could be just as close. At one point the game would be included as a pack-in with the console, or at least represented in the pack-in demo disc. Of course all of this greatness would be rendered moot if the game itself wasn’t fun and solid, but Sega Rally was and remains a hallmark of the arcade scene, and one of the overall finest video games of the 1990s.

Everyone’s first experience with Sega Rally is the same. You innocently start up the championship mode, noticing that you only have two cars to choose from: a Lancia Delta and Toyota Celica. You can choose between models with manual or automatic transmission, but that is it. Two cars. There’s not even an option for a different paint job. Oh well, so you pick one and start racing. The first track, Desert, loads fast and the cars’ high acceleration immediately has you going over 100. All of the track’s turns are announced ahead of time, and you’ll pass a few opponent cars, but mostly you’ll be bumping into the walls. You complete a lap, expecting at least two more to go, but the race suddenly ends. That was it, just the one lap, complete in just over a minute, and on to the next course you go. What a strangely quick-moving game, this is.

Barely two minutes in and more than halfway through the game.

You continue to the second course, Forest, and another exhilarating minute later it too is all over. On to course three, Mountain, where even more fun is had until it too, is over after just one lap. Your total time for all three courses is shown on the screen… and the game ends. That’s it, you’re done. You just beat Sega Rally in under four minutes.

However, you probably placed horribly against the opponent cars, and you barely scraped past the time limits. But you’ve seen almost all of what the game offers. How can that be? How could this game, hailed as one of the greatest arcade and Saturn games of all time, be so loved with such little content?! Confused and aghast, you search the other modes the game offers. Practice mode, time attack, multiplayer race, but it’s all still the same two cars and three courses! You go into time attack (or practice, the modes are very similar) to try to squeeze out any replay value you can. You pick your car and return to the Desert stage.

Now that your best times have been saved, the game suddenly starts to mean a lot more than it did before. Racing on the same course over and over this time familiarizes you more with the curves and how to handle each one. You’ll swear that the game is going easier on you by making the car easier to handle, when in reality it’s you actually getting better at the game. Your checkpoint and lap times continually flash on the screen, showing you by the millisecond how much faster or slower you’re going based on your best times, and it’s a triumph to beat your time even by .01. This game that once felt lacking in content, now feels deep and richer than ever before.

And all this came from just one course and one car! Don’t forget, there are two other courses for you to master, and a whole other car with its own handling to learn also! Suddenly you want to stay far away from the championship arcade mode, as you know you are not yet worthy of putting all these courses and times together, with CPU opponents added in to the mix. As you continue to practice the Forest and Mountain courses, you may begin to question why you play games in the first place, as all you’re doing now is going around in circles and beating your own times, millisecond by millisecond. But what accomplishment you feel from this! There are no achievements, no online anything, nothing but you, the track and the timer. And it’s here that the gamer in you begins to blossom. This is video gaming at its finest. It doesn’t matter how crispy the primitive graphics are, that there’s no storyline whatsoever, or that the game still only has two cars and three tracks. Sega Rally is a test of precision that grooms you into a perfectionist, whether you wanted to be one or not. All for the bragging rights of having the top spot on an offline leaderboard, which is always in danger of irreversible deletion when the Saturn’s internal battery dies.

Behold, Lakeside! A track you may never even be good enough to see.

After days, weeks, months of dedication, you feel you are ready to take on the championship mode and aim for first place against the CPU cars. You try, you fail, and you try again. Eventually, you win. You’ve done it! But what’s this that just flashed on the screen? “Try Extra Stage”?! Without warning the game loads a special, hidden fourth stage, Lakeside. This surprise course is even tougher than the ‘expert’ Mountain stage, and with no checkpoints to give you extra time, more likely than not you won’t even be able to complete a full lap. Try and try again you will, and your prize for winning Lakeside reveals itself: a Lancia Stratos. So I stand corrected. make that four tracks and three cars.

With your bragging rights and Sega Rally mastery, what will you walk away from at the very end? Honestly, nothing. As it is for any video game, the fun is not had in the destination but in the journey. (Speaking of that, any gamer that hasn't played Journey (PS3) is no gamer at all.) Unlike MMOs that have you leveling up to infinity with no real end (until they kill the servers), Sega Rally represents what a true game is at its core and shows how much you can have with so little. Many Saturn games operate on this principle of maximizing minimalism, largely because the console couldn't handle much more. Look at Daytona USA, NiGHTS, Virtua Fighter, Panzer Dragoon... all games and series that honestly don't have much flash and abundance. But what they do have is hidden depth and complexity wrapped up in that signature Sega style. They are games that rely on continuous replay to get your score that one point higher, or time one millisecond lower. It's all for your personal satisfaction and little else, but then again, isn't that why we play video games in the first place?

The reason we game, and replay you shall. Over and over again.

Forgotten Gaming- Knuckles' Chaotix

Name- Knuckles’ Chaotix

Platforms- Sega 32X

Developer- Sega

Released- Spring 1995

Buried deep in the pile of mid-90s console rejects, among the 3DO, Atari Jaguar and Apple Pippin, lies an oddity known as the Sega 32X. As the second of the Sega Genesis’ major add-ons, the 32X was designed to enhance the power and performance of the aging 16-bit system in order to keep it relevant during the 32-bit revolution, led by the Sony PlayStation and Sega Saturn. It was shamelessly considered (and marketed as) the poor man’s entry into 32-bit gaming. Although the idea sounds solid: keeping your old Genesis up to speed with new gaming ideas, but in practice nobody wanted to blow $150+ on an add-on that was already set to be obsolete by the Sega Saturn, which was due to release within a year of the 32X. Fewer than 40 games were released for the 32X and despite a sales spike at launch, the add-on sold horribly and quickly became derided by critics and customers. Trust in Sega had been hurt greatly because of the 32X, and now more than ever it was clear that Sega really had no idea how to handle this next gaming generation. The botched 32X release, followed by the slow crash and burn of the Saturn in the following years, gave Sega no choice but to Cast a Dream =P and try to save face with one last console, but that’s another story for another day.

So here we are with Knuckles’ Chaotix, the only Sonic-related game released for the 32X. Ever since the announcement of the new 32-bit consoles, full-3D Sonic games were teased and hinted at, prepping the gaming public for the 32X (and later Saturn) to deliver these immersive experiences. Imagine their disappointment when a Sonic game finally released on 32-bit hardware and it looked like this:

Welcome to the next... level?

Yeah it looks nice, but where’s the 3D? Where’s the nextgen experience only available  thanks to the raw processing power of these new and expensive consoles? And where the hell is Sonic?

Every detail about Knuckles’ Chaotix’s launch and reception at the time was duly unfair. Few people even bothered with a 32X, and the few that did buy or review the game dismissed it as a spruced-up Genesis game with funky physics and a weird bungee gimmick. Even Sega dismissed this game in later years, never re-releasing it as they have with many 90s Sonic games, and deciding to reboot (most of) the Chaotix characters in new games with different roles.

But instead, look at this game from today’s standpoint. Retro gaming is a continuing trend and hobby, and even as the PS4 and Xbox One trudge forward, many gamers are deciding to look back and discover games from a simpler time. Classic Sonic games are particularly more popular than ever, thanks to their re-releases on mobile devices, and gamers are embracing games like SonicCD and turning down recent offerings like Sonic 4. Knuckles’ Chaotix now serves as a bonus offering of sorts for the gamer that loves classic Sonic sidescrolling action, but is looking for a different spin on it (because if Sonic 4 proved anything, it’s that Sega just doesn’t make ‘em like they used to).

Knuckles’ Chaotix is a 2D Sonic game starring fan-favorite Knuckles and his gang known as the Chaotix. Along with Knuckles, the game stars Mighty the Armadillo, Espio the Chameleon, Charmy Bee (no ‘the’), and Vector the Crocodile. Some members of the Chaotix have continued to make appearances in the Sonic universe (Espio, Vector), while others have never been seen again (Mighty). At the start of a game you choose one of the five to play as (and each character has his own unique abilities). However you will also be paired with a second character, and the two of you will be bound together by a bungee-cord ring mechanism. To successfully navigate the stages you will need to properly manipulate your character, take in account your partner, as well as keep in mind the cord that bounds you together. You can command your partner to ‘Hold’ in one place, stretching the cord, then let go to snap into a top speed to clear ramps. You can even pick up and throw your partner, for example throw him to an upper platform and using the bungee to sling you up to join him.

It is an odd mechanic indeed, but the stages are designed to allow room for bungee snapping and precision platforming is kept at a low. Enemies and spikes are rather sparse and there are no death drops to accidentally fall into. The main challenge you will face in the game is simply navigating the stage itself and enjoying all of the eye candy they have to offer. Because let me tell you, Knuckles’ Chaotix is loaded with the most superficial graphics and special effects in any game I’ve ever played. 

Screenshots don't completely portray just how alive this game can be.

In order to show Chaotix as an improvement over its 16-bit cousins, the game includes examples of sprite scaling, rotation and particle effects every single chance it gets. Foreground objects are heavily animated, and background art is left abstract and surreal. Every few levels the time of day changes, altering the color palette and allowing you to play the stages at morning, midday, evening and night. Item boxes no longer just show the item inside once broken, instead the panel flips upward, reveals itself and disintegrates. Collapsible platforms also disintegrate into a million pieces, and the gray rings released by destroyed enemies also explode into particles. Character sprites scale in and out of the foreground when entering a new stage, and if you lose enough rings to an enemy or spike, they will scatter into the screen. Again, none of this is vital to the gameplay and many players won’t even notice half of the graphic tricks, but those that do will appreciate it and in turn, appreciate what the 32X was capable of doing.

Although the 32X performed at its best by simply enhancing what Genesis games could already do, Chaotix’s Special Stages pushed the 32X’s capabilities to their limit. Special Stages took place in giant hexagonal tubes, and running onto the ‘walls’ would reset the center of gravity to make it the new floor. Later stages would open the tubes entirely and  create 3D playfields to navigate (while other playfields would exist on the ‘walls’ allowing unique routes). As you automatically ran forward you would have to collect solitary blue spheres (of Sonic 3 fame), curiously labeled as ‘Limits.’ Winning these stages did not get you a Chaos Emerald but instead a Chaos Ring, going along with the overarching ring theme throughout the game. Although the ‘3D’ was mostly sprite-scaling trickery, it still created a convincing effect and begged the question of what a Sonic game would be like created entirely out of these stages.

Flat-shaded polygons FTW.

Classic Sonic games can be known for being on the short side, luckily for Knuckles’ Chaotix that is not the case. In yet another way of being cool and different than the original Genesis games, Chaotix always starts you off in Newtrogic High, the game’s hub zone. Here is where you can select/change your partner in a slightly rigged claw machine setup, as well as learn your next stage. Chaotix has five zones with five levels each, totaling 25 stages, not including the Special Stages and introductory/tutorial stages. However, in a unique twist, the order you progress through the zones is randomized. A roulette at the end of Newtrogic High will cycle through icons of the five zones: Botanic Base, Speed Slider, Marina Madness, Techno Tower and Amazing Arena, and by hitting a bumper the roulette slows and lands on one of the stages, which you are then rocketed to. This gives Chaotix the ‘never the same game twice’ feel that is so helpful toward replayability.

The 32X was known for its graphical boosting power, but left the Genesis’ sound capabilities relatively untouched. That considered, Chaotix has a soundtrack that is simply one of the best in the series. And not only is the music great, but the sound test in which to hear it on is an audiophile’s dream. Chaotix’s sound test shows you every single sound channel as well as the notes being played on a keyboard, all in real time. As odd as it sounds, you will never look at a sound test the same way again.

As for zone variety, Botanic Base is a lush greenhouse of flora and fountains. Speed Slider is the carnival stage for the game and (appropriately enough) offers some of the fastest speeds you’ll reach. Marina Madness is the game’s water-less water level =P, and Techno Tower has you progressively scaling a large, uh… techno tower. Amazing Arena changes things a bit, requiring you to find and activate a large clock. Activating the clock ‘turns on’ the arena and powers the various level features necessary to properly finish the stage. And not to give too much away, but after finishing all five levels of a zone, the level icon in Newtrogic High will deactivate. When all five icons are deactivated, the stage becomes set for a clever endgame starring our favorite Sonic doppelgänger… 

Coolest title cards in a Sonic game. EVER.

Knuckles’ Chaotix also earns the title for the most diverse selection of power-up items. Sonic aficionados are well-versed in the item monitors littered throughout game stages, though most of those items were boring ring bonuses, shields, and invincibility. Chaotix ups the item game considerably, retaining all of the classic items but adding new ones that drastically change gameplay. The very first power-up you come across is a growth power-up that increases your player’s size. At first this just looks like an excuse to show off the 32X’s sprite-scaling, you’ll notice that when large your momentum and force are greatly enhanced. Your jump and snapback remain more powerful until the power runs out and you return to normal size. Likewise you will find a shrink power-up (more like power-down) that makes you minuscule and removes any strength you may have in your snap to make it up that huge hill. Other power-ups swap control from yourself to your partner, or even temporarily change your partner to whoever’s face is showing on the monitor. Perhaps the most interesting power-up is the blue ring, which consolidates your ring total into a single giant ring if you get hit by an enemy. Reclaiming that single ring will give you your complete ring total back, though not grabbing it fast enough will spew out all of your rings with your only hope that you can get back at least a few of them. This is a very cool mechanic that unfortunately has yet to make a return appearance.

So is Knuckles’ Chaotix for you? Well, let’s see. If you happen to actually own a 32X, then yes definitely, because there’s barely anything else to play on it =P. If you do not, your only real alternative is emulation, as this game hasn’t been re-released on any other console. If you love the original Sonic games and are looking for something new and fresh from an old bygone era, definitely give it a try. However if Sonic was never your thing, Chaotix may just confuse you into submission. The bungee mechanic does have a learning curve, but once you align your thinking, you’ll be bouncing and throwing and snapping like a pro. Compare it to thinking with portals, only here it’s bungee rings.

Little Debbie Donut Sticks - A Lament

Let’s discuss donut sticks, and how they’re the most disappointing snack cake on the market.

Several months have passed since the painful death of Hostess, and we no longer have the sweet comforts of Twinkies and Devil Dogs to turn to in our times of need. With the top dog now euthanized, all of the second-rate bakery brands have been thrust into the spotlight, forcing us to settle with Tastykake, Blue Bird, and Little Debbie, to name a few.  Though they’ve expanded and advertised their versions of Hostess favorites (under some truly terrible names, seriously who thinks Bingles sound appetizing?) they all still have their own relatively exclusive snack cakes. In Little Debbie’s case, she has a little something called the donut stick, something I’ve never seen imitated by another brand… and for good reason.

On paper, donut sticks sound like a perfect snack cake: a glazed donut with the perfect shape for dunking into coffee, individually wrapped for freshness. Who wouldn’t want a couple of those, and what could possibly go wrong?

Let’s start with the donut itself. For me, a glazed donut is meant to be light and airy. Krispy Kreme absolutely nails it and Dunkin Donuts is very average. But these donut sticks are dense, almost downright hard. I don’t want my donut to be that dry and concentrated unless its a Munchkin. Little Debbie is basically dressing up a slice of stale pound cake and calling it a donut. Strike one.

Then there’s the glaze. Glaze is supposed to be soft and supple, but the glaze on donut sticks is dry, crunchy mess. It looks, feels and tastes like they glazed these pound cakes about 10 years ago and flash froze them, only to thaw them last month and ‘pack them fresh’. Also, whatever sugar (substitute) they’re using is just a little too fake for my tastes. I completely understand that it’s no small effort to mass-produce a glazed donut with a long shelf life, and probably impossible to do with fresh, true ingredients. But when you attempt it regardless and this is the final product you’re presenting me, I’m not impressed. Strike two.

If the look and feel of these donut sticks didn’t already turn you off, try eating one. These pastries fall victim to the same demon Drake’s Coffee Cakes did, in that they instinctively fall apart once you take a bite. How could a dense, dry cake with a papery glaze completely collapse like that? And they want you to dunk them in coffee?! Yeah that’ll help keep these things structurally sound! Strike three, Little Debbie.

The current, 'modern' packaging. But could you really tell?

It’d be one thing if they just invented these and were piloting them in test markets, because then they’d immediately be deemed a fail and sent back to the drawing board. However, donut sticks have been around for decades. As you could also tell from the virtually unchanged box artwork, these guys have probably been around since the Nixon Administration. I’m sure there’s some perverse cult following around these odd things, but that alone couldn’t have possibly kept the donut stick conveyors in motion. Something else must be fueling their popularity, and I think I know what it is:

Even though my description of them makes them seem repulsive, you cannot deny there is an allure around the concept of an on-demand glazed donut that pairs perfectly with a cup of coffee. And since no other snack cake bakery even makes a donut stick (at least not like this), when we come across these Little Debbie boxes in the supermarket we think we’ve struck gold. Cue the mental debate: “I mean, that cup of coffee does look delicious, and these donut sticks can’t be that bad… these pastries have been around forever, there’s gotta be a reason… And they’re what? Only $1.90 for a whole box? Wow, I gotta give these a try!” And we get all excited, thinking we’ve come across the holy grail of snack cakes… even though this same exact event happened about a year or two ago… and we didn’t like them back then… so why would we like them now… “Oh well maybe they changed the recipe,” you reason, “maybe they weren’t as bad as I remember. I mean, how could they mess up a glazed donut? Not to mention it’ll fit perfectly in my coffee cup!”

Behold, in all their, uh, glory...

So you get home and eagerly await that 9 o’clock hour. You make a small pot of coffee and break out your donut sticks so you can wash down and redeem the horribleness of the day. You pop open the box and slide out a stick, noticing it doesn’t look quite as good as it looks on the box (and let’s be honest, they don’t even look that good in the picture in the first place). You take a deep breath, gear yourself up to believe the hype and take your first bite… <crunch>… “Crunch? wtf?!” you think…  chew for a bit… … swallow… and the look of sheer disappointment on your face becomes enough to make a grown man cry. Every synapse of your brain is trying to rationalize why this supposed taste sensation instead became a giant dud, and suddenly it all makes sense. It makes sense why no other bakery has tried something like this, why you can regularly find a whole box for under 2 bucks, and why the world can be a cruel, cruel place sometimes.

Now you’re stuck with a half-eaten donut stick and several others still in the box. Then they’re sent to the back corner of the kitchen cabinet to remain and taunt you while you pray that one day they just disappear. But they stay, and especially since they’re individually wrapped they stay much longer than you anticipate. With every passing glance you might try another one, hoping to high heaven that this time they’ll taste better. They don’t, and another tear gets choked back until the day you can’t take anymore and unceremoniously throw them out.

Time passes, and life slowly returns to normal.

About a year and a half later you’ll go grocery shopping and once again the siren we call Little Debbie calls you to the perfect theory of the donut stick. All of your past experiences are rendered invalid and another box of donut sticks is added to your cart. The cycle repeats.

This is how donut sticks have remained in production all these years, and why no one’s ever called for a recipe revision. It’s because we’re constantly giving them ‘last chances’ and getting disappointed every time. Stop being fooled and get off the ride. The truth needs to be told about these things, and it looks like I've been nominated to do the honors. Please don't fall for donut sticks again, and keep your heads held high. One day we’ll have the perfect pre-made glazed donut that fits in a coffee cup... but that day is not today.

Forgotten Gaming Case Study: Project Sonic

Instead of doing a game review per se, I thought we'd talk about something so completely obscure and forgotten it's tragic: the lukewarm campaign known as Project Sonic. What? You never heard of it? Hmph, and you call yourself a Sonic fan...

The year is 1996 and Sega is in its darkest moment yet: they are financially stuck with a console that nobody likes and that has barely any compelling games to support it. Sound familiar, Wii U owners? =P So after being kings of the world with the Sega Genesis, Sega's continual missteps and questionable decisions ushered in the Sega Saturn, a console that was overpriced, underwhelming and notoriously known in software circles as an absolute pain to program games for. Sure, nowadays people see the Saturn as a misunderstood diamond in the rough, but back in the mid-90s you couldn't even pay people to invest their time and money into it. (Just like the Wii U today... Ok fine I'll stop!) And with Sega of Japan's braindead decision to discontinue all of their other consoles to focus squarely on the Saturn, they were putting all their eggs in a basket that didn't have a bottom. Only one thing in everyone's mind would be able to save the Saturn and Sega as a whole: a new and true Sonic game.

 

Gamers hadn't had a legit Sonic game since Sonic & Knuckles back in 1994, and their hunger for more Sonic platforming goodness was growing by the day. The closest thing people had to a 'Sonic 4' was the 32X exclusive Knuckles Chaotix which proved to be a little too radical for people's tastes (and was only played by like the 12 people that owned a 32X). And despite the Sega Saturn's unpopularity, it did have one last ace up its sleeve, a new, fully 3D Sonic game that was in development. Though Sonic X-Treme wasn't released yet, its lofty promises and demo footage kept Sega fans satiated and the Saturn relevant until its expected release in late 1996.

Then Sonic X-Treme was canceled.

The sudden and unceremonious announcement left fans furious and Sega in a very bad position: they now had no blockbuster game for the '96 Christmas season to go up against Nintendo's newly-released N64 and Sony's dominating PlayStation. Not to mention they completely let down their Sonic fans and general supporters. It was generally around this time that Sega internally gave up on the Saturn and laid out the groundwork for a new console, which later became the Sega Dreamcast. But the Dreamcast was years away, and although they knew they would never recoup their losses from the Saturn, Sega still had to do the best with what they had to keep themselves in the game (no pun intended) until their new console was ready. The Sega Saturn was dead in the water, and instead of reeling it in they decided to keep it around as a fancy-looking lure for whatever was still biting. One of these lures so-to-speak was a suite of low-profile spinoff Sonic games: aka Project Sonic.

Surely the next-gen Sega console (code named 'Dural' or 'Katana' at that point) would feature a major Sonic game as a launch title, learning from the mistake they made with Saturn by not having one. However, a world that lacked any kind of Sonic game for a few years ran the risk of Sonic being forgotten altogether, and that motivated Project Sonic's main goal: to keep the Sonic brand alive during Sega's tough times and the Saturn's slow and painful death. And hey, maybe they might sell another Saturn or two.

Now keep in mind that 'Project Sonic' was largely an internal name that rarely saw the light of day among consumers. I always looked at it like a PR campaign that never was, something that could have really been a active public movement to keep Sonic in the limelight. The project's logo should have been plastered in the windows of every FuncoLand and EB Games. Instead it was just an internal codename tossed around the corporate offices and umbrella term for the 3 Sonic games the Saturn had the pleasure of hosting. It was probably the overall lack of money that kept Project Sonic from really becoming a thing, as the Saturn was bleeding like a gunshot wound and Dreamcast development no doubt stretched Sega's bankroll beyond its maximum.

 

With Sonic X-Treme's cancellation, Project Sonic immediately went to work immediately to fill the massive gap in Sega's Christmas catalog. They filled it with a substantially enhanced port of the Genesis' swan song Sonic game: Sonic 3D Blast. The Saturn version was outsourced to a third party designer called Traveller's Tales who spruced up the graphics beautifully and featured a completely redone soundtrack composed by video game music god, Richard Jacques. The game was started from scratch and released to stores in under two months. Talk about a quick fix! A far cry from the open worlds and speed promised by X-Treme, 3D Blast was an isometric platformer that for many people wasn't truly 3D enough, nor a blast to play. It wasn't even a new game, and all of the added graphical touches and CD-quality soundtrack couldn't disguise that it was just a very nice port of a very mediocre game. But it was something, and it got Sega through the season without complete egg on its face.

The second game to bear the 'Project Sonic' label was Sonic Jam, released in the summer of 1997. The only game of the group to actually be developed by Sonic Team itself, Sonic Jam was a celebration of Sonic's past and a hint of Sonic's future. Sonic Jam featured Sonic 1, 2, 3, and Sonic & Knuckles (and its permutations) all on one disc. A little-known fact is that these games are not emulated, but were actually rebuilt to run natively on the Saturn hardware. As a result, Sonic Jam featured modified versions of the games' levels and took the liberty of rewriting some of the games' more sketchy areas (though the original versions of the game are still available). It also allowed for Sonic CD-style time attacks of each zone and Special Stage rush modes.

However that's just half of the game. The other half took the form of Sonic World, a 3D playground of sorts featuring Sonic staples such as rings, lamp posts, platforms and springs. You could even find Tails, who could give you a lift to other areas! Sonic World also featured a variety of missions, asking you to collect X amount of rings, find X number of lamp posts, and et cetera. When you weren't completing missions, you could go to the variety of buildings in the world to look at stock art of Sonic and friends, watch archived commercials, read the timeline of Sonic's history up to that point, and even uncover cheat codes for the original games. It was an incredible bonus, and Sonic Team's way of saying 'I'm sorry' for the death of X-Treme. Sonic World was also considered a prototype for Sonic Adventure, the Sonic launch title of the Dreamcast, so gamers were inadvertently getting their feet wet for the Sonic games to come. Unfortunately Sonic World's main drawback, besides primitive 3D gaming awkwardness, was its small size and limited number of missions. But like 3D Blast, it was something, and the fans took what little Sonic World was and were grateful for every bit of it.

Project Sonic's third and final game was Sonic R, an on-foot racing game that took gamers ever-tantalizingly closer to a fully open-world 3D Sonic game. Again developed by Traveller's Tales, composed by Richard Jacques, and released for the Christmas '97 season, Sonic R featured 5 large open areas with race paths carved into them. All of the Sonic basics were here and realized: rings, alternate paths, loops, springs, even the Chaos Emeralds. Sonic's original friends and enemies also make playable appearances, some for the very first time including Amy Rose, Dr. Robotnik, and Metal Sonic (Sonic Drift notwithstanding). This is also the very last time we see Amy before her major redesign from Sonic Adventure onwards.

Sonic R sounds like it has it all, and to a degree it does, but when gamers finally played it things just didn't click. There's an overbearing blah-ness to the game, and at this point it starts to feel like the Project Sonic games are coming out just for the sake of coming out. The game has no personality, no soul. Sonic R extended the Sonic World idea but really didn't do much with it, and it's a problem when an inferior demo area manages to be more compelling than a full game. Fans took this game and were done with it a half hour later, literally. That's about as long as it takes to unlock everything 100%.

By this point Sonic fans were done with being teased and were more than ready for the next generation of console gaming. By 1998 the tortured Saturn saw less than a dozen first-party releases, though those included the now-legendary Shining Force III, House of the Dead, Burning Rangers (which I've reviewed on this blog!) and the most tragically overlooked RPG of all time: Panzer Dragoon Saga. Project Sonic took the year off, as pre-release coverage of Sonic Adventure slowly started to dominate the gaming world and ignite a fiery desire to enter the new millennium with Sonic and Sega. Project Sonic's mission was complete. It carried a scorned fanbase through the Saturn's  1996 nightmare (Sonic 3D Blast), reoriented fans and newcomers with who Sonic truly is and will be (Sonic Jam), and sent them off with a final taste of what will be (Sonic R) before delivering them to the doorstep of the promised land of Sonic Adventure. It's actually quite beautiful in that context.

So was Project Sonic a success? Well in its limited scope, yes. It set out to do exactly what it wound up doing, and kept the dream alive until the Dream was actually Cast. But as a PR movement it failed miserably. How hard would it have been to create a mystère around the Project Sonic movement with some magazine ads or webpages (which were the new, cool thing at the time). Heck, throw someone in a Sonic suit in the middle of Times Square with a couple hundred flyers! How much could that really cost? Someone already went through the trouble of making that cool logo, and yet it was never used except for on the back covers of the Japanese box arts for each game. The logo also made a final cameo on the title cards for Sonic Pocket Adventure (for the NeoGeo Pocket Color) where it was animated no less!

In the mid-late 90s Sega was lacking an identity and a direction, and when one was created for its flagship mascot, it was effectively wasted. That is why I am writing about it now. I'm certain almost nobody knows that Project Sonic even existed, which is a crying shame. As hindsight is always 20/20, so looking back we could discover and analyze how our favorite blue hedgehog got through its company's darkest era, and even rationalize how universally well-received Sonic Adventure was at the time where nowadays it is panned. It is my firm belief that if Project Sonic took the trouble of going a little more public, the game would have been better understood and more successful, and perhaps a couple dozen more Saturns would have been sold. Let Project Sonic be a lesson for you PR people of today: a little transparency goes a long way, and you can't trust corporate to make the wisest decisions on its own.

We love you, Sonic.