Drag Race S5 E03 - Runway Recap

We’re just rolling right along with Season 5, kids! This week was another team challenge: to create a children’s TV show filled with double entendres and undertones. Due to some really bad performances by certain people in both groups (i.e. Monica and Coco), neither team outright won, as I think Ru intended to decide. Instead everyone was judged individually. Anyway, if you want to know more about the main challenge, watch the episode because all we’re concerned with here is the runway. Unfortunately this has to be one of the worst runways this show has ever seen. First take a look at RuPaul:

Whoever told him he could go out with that dress and that hair deserves to be shot. Dislike, dislike, DISLIKE!! The only thing saving him is his consistently flawless makeup. And despite wearing neon green, this week’s runway theme was ‘pretty in pink’. Yes, some racers turned it out really well, but as for the others… get ready to cringe.

COMMENCE… SHAKE… DOWN.

Oh Alaska, what an unfortunate departure from last week’s beautiful look.

Ok I get it, she’s not trying to look pretty. Slight resemblance to Lady Gaga aside, I still do like this look. It’s so sloppy it’s couture, and the pink rifle adds to it wonderfully in ways I can’t explain. I don’t understand this look but I do at the same time, and it really takes an artist to conceive something like this and execute it so profoundly. It just works, end of story.

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For someone who let out a major secret last episode that didn’t have a negative impact at all, you’d think she’d be glowing. But no, she looks like she’s doing this with a gun to her head.

I never liked anything you brought to this runway or to this show. Just go home. Best of luck to your transition.

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There’s that mouth again, still trying to look like a darling. And it’s still not working.

I will admit though that Alyssa looks the best that we’ve ever seen her, and I love the jewelry and hair. She also seems to love holding things in her hands, and it’s coming off as more of a distraction than a cohesive look. I’m also still getting this overpowering feeling of arrogance from her, and it’s getting tiring. Just loosen up, girl!
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Same hairstyle, same cutesy smile, same simplicity in the outfit. Third strike: YOU’RE DONE.

Over the past 3 weeks now I’m sure you’ve been able to pick up some personality from these queens, just from the pictures alone. Have you been able to get anything from Vivienne at all?? Me neither. You’ve seen one picture of her and you’ve seen them all. Her performances in challenges (even her cutaways!) are just as hollow and uninteresting. You’re off my good list, and this is from someone who favors pretty contestants.

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Similarly to Roxxxy last week, it looks like Detox decided to barely wear anything at all.

What a sucky runway so far; even Detox’s look isn’t that hot this week. Though I like the hair and face, the one-two punch of the breastplate and ruffled neck look like they’re choking her. Somehow I am picking up a little Chad Michaels vibe, which is always a nice thing but it’s no life saver here. I don’t even know if I’m bothered enough to continue… fine I’ll keep going >_>. Surely someone’s gotta be able to make me smile.

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Well, that someone isn’t Roxxxy. Though it’s a noticeable improvement from what we’ve seen so far.

I do like the dress and I do like the hair (color). However I do not like the eyes. False eyelashes are very tricky: ones that are too big (especially on the bottom) make you look cartoonish. And false eyelashes + extensive eye makeup = a mess. You can tell she’s trying to do too much up there and it just swirls together into black puddles, especially from a distance. I also dislike when drag queens show their full forehead, because it becomes too easy to find a flaw in the hairline or the makeup blending. Not that Roxxxy has either problem here, but it opens the door for issues.

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Maybe it’s just me but Lineysha is starting to go down the boredom trail too.

Pretty but uninteresting. This is why America’s Next Top Model should also include drag queens, because ones like Lineysha and Vivienne would thrive there. Look pretty, get paid, move on. I’m just not getting anything from her. I’m not waiting with bated breath to see what she delivers next week, as I am about Alaska and Jade Jolie to name a few. It doesn’t have to be over the top, nor does it even have to be gorgeous, but it has to be something and I’m really struggling to keep Ms Sparx in my thoughts.

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Well here’s where things get interesting. Remember Prince Poppycock from that season of America’s Got Talent? I didn’t know he had a sister!

Jinkx Monsoon is just plain bizarre, and I mean that in the nicest possible way. And when I say she never wears the same thing twice, that also includes her face. Jinkx seems to have the ability (?) to make herself look completely unrecognizable from previous looks. It’s kinda a good thing but it’s a little nerve-wracking too. What exactly is her drag? We know what Vivienne’s is, for example, because it’s always the same thing. We even know what Detox’s is, even though she mixes it up a lot more. But Jinkx just transforms from one distinct look to another, and each look is so completely thought out and detailed. As long as she stays true to herself and doesn’t completely lose her mind, Ms Monsoon may make it much farther in this competition than we might think.

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One of the judges summed it up perfectly: Shirley Temple Black.

What we have here is a man in his later 30s dressed up as a 4-year-old girl in a time warp. This is something I’d expect from Jinkx, to be honest. Somehow though, it all comes together. Yeah it’s borderline creepy and should never be worn outside, but within the confines of the runway criteria I really like it. Or maybe it’s just the teddy bear I like. I do want to mention that it was very hard to get screenshots of Coco that weren’t blurred, because she was so manic and hyperactive on this runway, as a 4-year-old girl cracked out on pixy stix would be. You can just feel the motion from these still shots, another sign of a good performance artist.

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One of the showgirls escaped from the Stardust! In the year 1983!

Ivy Winters is another one who knows how to look the part. It’s way too easy to go from showgirl to busted mess, but Ivy knows how much is enough while still being a spectacle. She looks great this week, and I would order a drink from her on a casino floor and not think twice about it. Ivy is pretty much cemented on my good list, though there’s one thing about her I hate. RuPaul calls her name like he’s a circus barker every single time, and he does it in a nasally and demeaning way as if she’s a sideshow freak. He goes ‘Ivyyyy Winterrrrssshhh!!’ WHY?! Yes, she has roots in the circus, and yes it’s funny the first time you hear it, but by now it’s just annoying and it really cheapens her image.

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Honey takes something from a previous runway and uses it on the next. She took that pink throw from last week and made a full dress out of it here!

I couldn’t avoid that hashtag during Honey’s splitscreen, but it gives me a reason to bring this up: I can’t freaking stand social media. What started as a good thing has become a swollen and overused cliche that I can’t wait to crash and burn to the ground. More on that in a different post, but this season the show decided to turn any ‘funny’ phrase it comes across into a Twitter hashtag. Why, so all the busted drag queens at home can use it and think they’re being fierce? And so people like me can feel like we’re really being a part of something? Don’t insult me.

And saving one of the best for last, this pitiful runway ended with the beautiful Jade Jolie. Though it looks like if you stare into that smile for too long she may devour your soul.

The smiles in the other pictures are much better, so look at those instead. I want to say thank you to Jade for trying to redeem this runway, because I’m loving the hair, the dress, the extras, and the overall face (all except for that first one). Again to Vivienne and Lineysha: if you want to look interesting and still look really pretty, TAKE NOTES!!

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Winner: Detox
High-Ranking: Jinkx Monsoon, Roxxxy Andrews
Low-Ranking: Alaska, Lineysha Sparx, Vivienne Pinay
Bottom Two: Coco Montrese, Monica Beverly Hillz
Eliminated: Monica Beverly Hillz =)

Once again the rankings were based mostly on challenge performance, not runway. Detox won for her great impression as an anthropomorphic chicken (and would you believe this was not the first time someone dressed up as a chicken on Drag Race?). Alaska was criticized for being a boy in their skit, albeit still wearing makeup and looking like a character. Seriously I thought Alaska did a great job and was still in drag, though not as a queen. (Then again so was Detox! He wasn’t even human!) Lineysha was only safe because she had immunity from last week’s challenge (she really sucked this week) and Vivienne got a strong warning to stop being boring. Coco and Monica really threw their performances away, though during the lip sync Coco became as alive as her runway and was deemed safe.

Monica was rightfully eliminated. She psyched herself out during this whole competition, and even after she admitted to being transgendered she never fully came out of her shell. Her runway looks were horrible and her challenge performances were half-hearted. I feel like this was a bad time for her in her personal life to do something like this. (But maybe she figured it’s now or never before the MTF transitioning went too far for her to qualify for the show.) Even that! Last season a contestant was disqualified for having outside contact during the show, but this whole transgender issue (not to mention the lying to RuPaul and the show itself) had a blind eye turned to it. Maybe Ru didn’t want the criticism of disqualifying someone transgendered, bringing more negativity to an already scorned community, but I would be more angry about the dishonesty over anything else. Willam was completely honest when his rule-breaking was questioned. Plus Willam was a fierce and serious contender who always had his head in the game. Monica was neither.

I hope Drag Race never does a pink runway again, because this one was just bad. Next to go will be either Vivienne or Lineysha, unless they both really amp it up. Start clearing some of these girls out, RuPaul, and bring back Penny Tration! =)